Full Metal Academy
by Jaine Doe
Summary: yeah! full metal alchemist IN SCHOOL. so there it is! *tadda* read, read and read! i might be updating it every week or so. depends on my sched ; dont hate, please. if you hate it, dont read it. duh. thats all.thank you *bow*


**Full Metal Academy C:**

So yeah…the title's self-explanatory. Duh. School, full metal alchemist. So yeaaaah... I will start now…*bow*

(yes, that's the sound of a bell)

Ed: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. It's 7:45!!!!!!! I'm gonna be LATE. Dammit. Why didn't you wake me up Al???????

Ed looks around…

Ed: WHAT THE EFFFFFFF. Al isn't here anymore??? Where the heck has he gone?

…

Riiiiight…school…

-at school-

DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

Kids scramble to their respective classrooms. Except for Fuery, the hall monitor.

Ed: fudge. Fuery is there…gotta find a way to avoid him...

Ed: OH SHIT.

The janitor passes by…he's whistling the ever so famous lady gaga song…LOVE GAME

Ed (in thought): Now's my chance! I'll just hide in the trash! Surely it must be just paper or something…

Ed jumps in the trash bin...only to realize it wasn't paper….it was OR SOMETHING…specifically the biodegradable… so he got last week's sloppy joe in his hair…. What a lucky day for Ed ;)

-in art (they don't do art-art, they do ALCHEMY CIRCLE-art….basically)-

Armstrong: okay class, we continue on with the next curved line on the right side. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT PERFECT. Just like how my great ancestors had the great Armstrong ability to create MASTERPIECES. I will go around looking at your lines. BE SURE THEY ARE PERFECT.*stands on table and shows his biceps and has the sparkly thing in his face*

Ed tries to sneak in class, and succeeds. But unfortunately, he didn't know what to do. So he drew a cat. With stick arms and legs. Which we all know is NOT a curved line.

Armstrong (in background): YOU! That is not perfect curved line?!?! That is SQUARE. You are the total opposite of my great ancestors who had the ability to make a perfect curved line…and you know how…*fade-y fade fade*

Armstrong passes by Ed.

Armstrong: what is THIS?!?!? This is cat! Who looks like he hasn't eaten in years! This is not total opposite of curved line, THIS…IS…TRAAAAAAASH. Now, I will explain to you how to make a curved line, just as how my father taught me, as my grandfather taught him, and my grandfather's father taught him too….*Ed falls asleep*

-after Armstrong carries him to the principal (and yes, he was still asleep)-

Principal King Fuhrer Bradly: So…you fell asleep in class and you drew a Cat instead of a curved LIIIINE!?!?!?!? I WILL MAKE YOU LOOK INTO MY EYEEEEEE.

Ed:*snore*

Principal King Fuhrer Bradly: …

PKFB gets up from his chair and pokes him in the cheek and stares at him. Ed opens one eye…

Ed: WHAT THE HEEEEEEEECK.* Ed clinging onto the chandelier* don't freak me ouuuut!!!!

Principal King Fuhrer Bradly: Yes yes, back to business….LOOK INTO MY EYEEEEEEE.

Ed: why should I?

Principal King Fuhrer Bradly: why not?

Ed: fine… wait… if I see dancing ladies there I'm gonna freak, okay?

PKFB (its frigging tiring okay? DEAL WITH IT): … I assure you… you will not see dancing ladies…maybe…

Ed: uhhhhh…. Okay.

Ed looks into his eye… sees a dancing mustang…wearing a bikini…

Ed: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?

PKFB: wait… what did you see?????

Ed: *rocking back and forth in a corner* something…no one… should…EVER…see

PKFB: OH. You saw--

Ed: let us NEVER. Speak of that again. Okay?

PKFB: uhh... okay… look again… and yes, I changed the slide…

Ed: okay okay…

Ed looks into his eye…sees himself…wearing a bikini…

Ed: HEEEEEEEY…I look good in a bikini…

PKFB: yes…but the point is… never look into my eye…

Ed: but you said I should look into your eye…

PKFB: never mind that! You may now leave my office…

Ed: can I have that slide of me?

PKFB: LEAVE. I'll just give it to you on facebook ;)

-at P.E. class-

Izumi: GOOD MORNING CLASS. Today, we will be learning how to spar…PROPERLY *vomits blood* * children back away slowly* GO FIND YOUR PARTNERS.

Ed: hey Al! Let's be partners!

Al: *turns with a guilty-innocent look* uhm...uhm...uhm...I already have a partner….* turns and sees Winry*

Ed: WHAT?!?!?!? Al, we've always been partners! We're brothers!

Al: but nii-san…you were late…

Ed: AGH. Fine. I'm going to get another partner. Someone who can be a real brother.

Izumi: don't count on it…no more students left -- *vomits blood*-- can be your partner. I will be sparring with you…

Ed: say whaaaaaaaaaaaa? I'm not sparring with an old lady!

Izumi: who are you calling-- *belches blood* -- OLD???? * Kicks over Ed's head* shrimp.

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE SO SHORT THAT WHEN IT REACHES LOW TIDE HE NEEDS A LIFE-JACKET????? I KNOW I CAN'T REACH THE TOP SHELF OF MY OWN CLOSET BUT SO WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!

Izumi: *smiles then vomits blood*it's because you don't drink your milk.

Ed: AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH. Err…okay…fine…let's just spar…

-at science class-

Hohenheim: Hello cl--

Ed: I HATE . .

Hohenheim: do not speak such language in my class. B**ch

Ed: if only you weren't a teacher I'd be kicking your butt right now.

Hohenheim: now let's begin. Today we shall talk about…homunculus, through which we will dissect one

Ed: WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF*covers ears and curls into a fetal position*LALALALALALALA. I'M NOT LISTENING. LALALALALA. . PAPAPAPOKER FACE POPOPOKERFACE MAMAMA.

Hohenheim: too bad for Mr. Lady gaga…. But now we shall start. First off, to fully determine this is a homunculus, look for the Ouroboros sign. Let's make sure this one isn't a palm tree.

Envy: You're just jealous of the HAIR.

Hohenheim: okay, now…search for the sign…AHA. There it is in his left thigh.

Ed: WAIT WAIT WAIT. HOLD UP. THAT'S A DUDE???????

Envy: like duh.

Ed: ahwwwww man.

Fuery: awww… Black Hayate was getting ready to pee on you…

Envy: once again… I AM NOT A DAMN PALM TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

-at luuuuunch-

Breda: today we will be serving hotdog soup.

Ed: MY FAVORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITEEEEEEE!!!!

*other students show a vomiting face*

Ed falls in line unlike the other students…

Ed: OH YEAAAAAAAAH. MORE FOR MEEEEEE.

Breda: hey Al. you get 5 servings today…

Ed: just FIVEEE????

Breda: I will give you 10 servings…

Ed: OH YEAAAAAAAAAAH.

Breda: if you drink your milk.

Ed: never mind…

Ed eats the food. Then rushes to the restroom to "_relieve" _himself. Oh the joy b^-^d

-at mechanics101-

Pinako: okay. We will continue your project on the automail arm. Now go to your workstations and resume your work.

All children go to their workstations and continue their automail arms. Some wear headphones and play music. Unlike some… like Ed… who … draws…cats.

Winry: Ed!!! You should do your automail now!!! Stop making that perverted drawing of Principal King Fuhrer Bradly!!!!

Ed: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? This is not a perverted drawing…this is a cat!!!!

Winry: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…

Ed: You automail freak!!! *winry throws wrench at Ed's head* *Ed falls to the ground like a shriiiiiiiiiimp*

Pinako: class, be sure to make your automails not too heavy. If you make it too heavy, the one ho will wear it will not grow. Like Mr. Ed here. * Ed on ground…like a shriiiimp*

Pinako goes near to Ed and whispers

Pinako: did you get hit by a wrench again?

Ed: yes…

Pinako: was it Winry?

Ed: yes…

Pinako: thaaaaaat's my girl… *hits Ed on the head with a wrench*

Ed: whaddya do that for??!?!?!?!

Pinako: just to make sure ;)

-dismissal-

!!FMA CAST DANCE NUMBER IN THE GYMNASIUUUUUM!!

Ed: _it's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside...I'm standing and all I want is to be over there...*Gabriella Montez solo song in HSM :)*_

Al: _we've got to work work work this out we'll make things right the sun will shine! *_the light shines onto his armor and everybody shields their eyes*

Audience: AAAAAAAAAAGHHHH….MY EYEEEEESSSSS….

Audience2: I CAN'T SEE!!!!!

Audience3: IT BURRRRRRRRRNNNSSSSSS…

*Al walks slowly and sad…back to the backstage*

Winry: _rah rah ah ah ah. Roma roma ma ma. Gaga ooh lala. Want your BAD ROMANCE. I want loving I want your disease; I want your everything, as long as it's free. I want your love…love love love I want your love..._* grabs a wrench that fell from the sky and hugs it*

PKFB: _you get the best of both worlds! Chillin' out take it slow then you rock at the show...you get the best of both worlds mix it all together and you know you've got the best of both worlds*_ all audience gets weird-ed out and goes out to buy refreshments*

Mustang: _I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt too sexy that it hurts…I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat too sexy for my house too sexy for my house too sexy for my job too sexy for this song too sexy for this song too sexy that it hurts---_

Hawkeye:_ *points at mustang* womanizer woman-womanizer you're a womanizer oh! Womanizer oh! You're a womanizer, baby. You you you are...you you you are a womanizer womanizer womanizer __**WOMANIZER**__**! **__Boy don't try to front. I-I know just-just what you are-are. Boy don't try to front. I-I know just-just what you are. (you) you get me goin'(you) you're oh so charming(you) but I can't do it. You WOMANIZER._

Audience applauds the presentation with a standing ovation!!

-Ed walking home-

Ed: _hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hm-hm I know just-just what you are-are…hmm-hmm-hmm-hm-hm..._

Then unknowingly…he steps on poop.

Ed: this was the _best day ever_. ;'(

_**END OF FIRST DAY. :D**_


End file.
